Holiday Commotion

I just finished reading this morning's paper with its announcements of holiday events like the Rockettes and the Nutcracker and the KC Symphony special performances and of course the Martin City Melodrama. The store ads, which are prolific this year, offer great deals and make me wish I could be out in the commotion, complaining as much as any year. I would even go to Toys R Us.....


I have sent my mother and my sisters and my friends out with ads bearing circles to find gifts. I have my business colleague, Marshall, picking up techno things for me. I order items from catalogs and have some direct shipped. There are some stores that I rely on for inexpensive stocking stuffers but you have to see them to know what is right.


No Christmas tree at my own house this year. A very small tree at Mom & Dad's house. I enjoy decorating the tree. I go through my collection of ornaments and remember the places and people and events associated with them.

I will miss the Christmas eve church service with the children performing. I used to dream of seeing my own children in these events but they adamantly refused to participate. I sighed. Then remembered that I had been tearing up with pride for years at these programs before my kids were even eligible and figured I could keep on enjoying them with my kids by my side in the pew instead of posed about the church in costumes.


And I did not make my traditional batch of kahlua this year. My girlfriend Patty, taught me how to make it and we toasted the start of every season with a round of White Russians.


But there are some really great things about this Christmas.


Mom has all the purple Santa ornaments on the little tree and I try to remember where I found them, but mostly I marvel that I found so many of them. I have time to send lots of cards and to make gifts. I do not wish that my wrapping skills were more spectacular.


I can browse magazines for recipes. I can shop Mom's cupboards for table setting ideas. When the table is set for only three or four, there is lots of room for centerpieces and bread plates and even place cards. This is an unaccustomed luxury: I am usually figuring out how to get a single plate and glass on the table for each person along with food for a crowd. It's a novelty to have only one serving bowl for each item, only one set of salt & pepper shakers to fill.


My friends are making an extra effort to visit and bring little gifts and collect my gift for them. I have managed to find gifts I am happy about for everyone on my list. I can eat all the baked items and traditional Christmas candy without feeling guilty. The clinic LIKES it when I gain weight.


This year's detour was a bigger curve ball than I've faced before. But I have learned through marriage and divorce, moving and children, loved ones here and not, that dipping and swaying are easier ways to deal with life's ups and downs than stubborn adherence to the way it should be.

I try to figure out what is important to me about each tradition. And I know it is the surprise of gifts under the tree. It is the cooking and gathering of family on a day when people are willing to leave their issues at the door. It is the ritual of the church service and the feelings that traditional music inspires. So while I really would like to get out of the house, I'm confident my Christmas will meet my holiday expectations.

Cathi