Courage to Travel

I arrived at home Saturday afternoon and immediately was buried in the commotion of home. Where does this go? Do you have any...? Can x come over? But the priority was home health care bringing me TPN, otherwise known as IV nutrition. It's a little more complicated than the other IV hookups we've had at home. And requires 16 hours to drip into my body. The backpack with the food, pump and power pack is large and heavy. We hook it up in the evening and it runs until mid-morning the next day.

I wish I could say that soon I won't need it but the barfing is just about as frequent and just as unpredictable as ever. This morning I felt good and ate a "real fruit frozen bar," but lost it on the way to the clinic. (We never travel without a barf bin.) No nausea, just upchuck. It's frustrating.

I get tired easily and only occasionally have a nice burst of energy to get something done. However, Mari called in her friend Cheryl, who has worked a miracle in my house. Cleaning and organizing til I hardly recognize the place. All the junk is out of the front room--even the Nordic Track brought in for cousin Gail. My friends, Mark and Deb Paton from Arkansas City came and cleaned up the weeds around the deck (remove the mulberry tree from the viburnum.)

The stack of pills is overwhelming, even parsed out in 4 batches. And it is sickening to see one of the $100 plus pills hit the bucket when I vomit. I have to say, vomiting is the worst side effect. The worst. I just get tired of it. I'm nervous about eating.

On the up side, the counts are continuing to recover. WBC was .9 yesterday with ANC .467. Perhaps I will be able to go to Chicago for the baptisms of Ella and HB this Sunday. I will have to get willing to haul all this stuff with me and either not eat or be willing to lose it.

Dr. Ganguly nearly drove me crazy in the hospital playing games with when shall I go home? He kept saying "You tell me when you want to go home and I will make it happen." I kept saying "I'm still puking everything I eat. Do you want me out of here?" "Oh no, no. You're in charge." he says. Nevertheless this conversation plays out day after day. Finally I said "Ok I'm ready to go home Friday." His reply was "oh no you're not. You told me you wanted to feel good and then go home. Do you feel good?" uhhhhh NO! What a jumble he made of my head.

Dr. Abhyankar has just stopped in and suggested an additional dose of Reglan. That is a drug that purports to keep food moving through the digestive system. I take it on a strict schedule each 24 hours. So one of those doses will be doubled. I don't have much hope for respite from the vomiting but maybe I'll be surprised.

My WBC is .9, and the ANC is .7xx something. Both good enough to go to Chicago if I am courageous enough to go.
~Cathi