Thurs, 12.30 - Transitioning to Heaven

I really had no other way to title this post. The last day and a half has been surreal as Mom's begun her transition to Heaven.

Yesterday she was less alert than she had been and really only awake for a few hours in the morning. She did ask what day it was at one point. When we told her it was Wednesday, she put her hands up as if to say 'where does the time go?'. She also managed to drink a little tea and have a banana split with butter pecan ice cream and caramel coating. She also confirmed that her birthday was today. Unfortunately now that today's here I'm fairly certain she doesn't know it is.

After Wednesday morning, she began doing more of the things that the book the hospice group gave us said she would - picking at her clothes, mumbling incoherently, spiking a fever, and sleeping with her eyes slightly open. The book walks you through some of the end of life symptoms and is titled 'Gone From My Sight'. It's been helpful to gauge just where we are. One thing she has not done that some of you may have had loved ones do is talk to those who have gone before her. At least she hasn't said names that we can recognize.

Today's been extremely hard on all of us with it being her birthday and Grandpa and Grandma's wedding anniversary. There have been a lot of tears, talking about funeral arrangements, and sitting at her bedside holding her hand and talking to her. While she has only said a few things that are understandable, we're fairly certain she knows who is here and understands some things we say. She's given a couple of hugs and smiles, which make us all smile.

One thing the nurse mentioned yesterday that has been apparent is once a person starts to go, the pace at which they are going does not tend to slow. If anything, it quickens. That was just based on how much she had changed from Monday to Wednesday. When she returned today, I asked what it looked like now as near as most of us could tell it was going to be soon. She estimated today that we're a couple of days away. Her feeling is Mom will fall asleep and maintain that way for a while before leaving us. For me personally, it would be fitting for her to go on New Year's Day as that's when her Grandma Snell passed away (1.1.00). And Mom was extremely close to all of her Grandparents, filling us all with more stories than one could imagine. She's always been sort of a 'link' to the family's past in this regard.

The hardest thing about this time is it really looks like Mom will wake up and start talking to you. That or that she really has something to say. It's both frustrating and hard as we know that she won't.

All this aside, we keep telling her that we'll be ok. She needs to know from all of us that it's ok to go see those who have passed before her in Heaven and hug them, tell her great stories, not wear hearing aids, and look down upon all of us with her watchful eyes. Aunt Lori put it best when she said that we know she'll still be taking care of all of us b/c that's what she's always done. As the oldest of 7, Mom has always been a caretaker - an amazing one.

Given the nature of this post, I want to leave on a funny note. As I've alluded to earlier, Mom's always had an amazing sense of humor regarding her hearing loss. Two days ago the nurse's aides came to give her a shower. Afterwards, Mom was leaving her room with her chin tucked to her chest. The aide said, 'she says her neck hurts.' So I said, 'Mom, does your neck hurt?' In classic Mom voice, she said, 'Nuts? Conor, I don't have nuts. I have ovaries!' Man I'll miss those comments. :)