Yesterday I had a meltdown. I got on the scale at the clinic and it claimed I had lost 6 pounds. I started crying and pretty much didn't stop except when I was sleeping. I have been feeling so tired and just not great that it all came crashing in. I have been diligent about protein drinks and shakes and was confident that my weight would be inching up. I took a bed for the day instead of a recliner and just cried it out. I made an appointment to go back and see the psychologist yesterday afternoon.

So the psychologist marvelled at how far I've come and said I was doing all the right things. I vomited on the way home, and again last night. And the blood work returned a positive for the CMV virus. After a dose of antibiotic last night I felt like a new woman today. Nurse Wendy says the CMV is the reason I felt so low and I think she's right.

The nurses at the clinic knew I was feeling low and they were lined up to give me a hug, tell me I was doing great, don't lose faith. How cool is that? They also universally dissed the scale...the problem is the scale. Weigh on a different one next time.

So from not moving from the chair for a couple of days, I got out and went to the grocery store today. How sweet it was. I bought myself some candy corn to celebrate the season. And some other junk food besides Heniz 57 sauce which I haven't been able to get on Mom's list for several weeks.

The psychologist told me to do everything they tell me I can do. So walk outside, go to the grocery store. The trouble is they give and they take away these privileges. It's hard to know what's okay to do...but the grocery store was fun.

Today the world doesn't look so blue. It's still a very long recovery ahead, but just feeling better makes it easier to climb the stairs. I downloaded an iTunes playlist for a cocktail party. I'm going to see how that makes me feel while walking on the treadmill.

~Cathi